His Grace in Me

I faced several storms the past weeks. Work was not that good, i'm succumbed to stress and pressure. My mind was so drained and my body was out of rest. I am so helpless. I had a hard time waking up everyday. Heaviness was all over me. But guess what, I still managed to work because I had no choice.  I reached the point of realizing that no matter how best of efforts I give to accomplish things, it will never be enough to certain people. This actually made work the most uncomfortable to deal with. All through those weeks, I wished to evaporate and not be seen by people. Somehow, I knew I got bitterness in my heart. When I got home from work, I'll directly went to my bed to lie down and close my eyes to whisper words to God, asking Him to give me strength to face another day when tomorrow comes and to keep on holding me, most specially my heart.  And as I woke up today, God gave me a certain word, "BATTLESCARS". It was very painful and deep which broug...

Hey, it’s the first day of April 2019. I’ve been looking at my life after Mama’s death last December and I realized my heart is still hopeful and alive and this is pure grace. After she passed away my life had a hundred eighty (180) degree change. I miss her every single day. I miss to be with someone who really knows me. And honestly, it tears me apart. I am so used of growing and living this life without a father but without a mother? Never. I don’t know if people understand how the situation is so difficult for me but maybe because they used to see me strong without complaints. But the truth is, I’m in the hardest phase of life but then again, I see grace. I a m a person now busy with my secular job and the Lord’s ministry. I only have Thursday as time for myself after work wherein I give time to laundry and fix my clothes, have dinner outside with self, and have an early time for bed. My body gets tired but these schedules made me survived each day without Mama and this is g...

I never thought we won't be together anymore. It seems that life specially a day is a roller coaster ride. It's sometimes up, sometimes down. I can still remember every part of you, mama. It's almost two months since you left me and there was never a day that passed that I didn't think of you. I miss you so much more than my heart can silently scream, more than my tears can flowly burst and more than my cries can loudly sing. I wish we had more time of being together, ma. I wish we had more memories. 😭 I REALLY WISH.  I miss you, ma. Gimingaw sab ba ka sa akoa? :(

This post might look so problematic but how much more its writer. I'm having a hard time settling things. And when I digest it? It's so painful. When my brain tries to toil for it, it's excruciating. This is really hard and that is why I am letting it out as my finger slides and types the needed keys on my keyboard right now.  In my first facebook account, I have 4,223 friends, in my second and private account I have 184. I also have 142 twitter followers and 495 instagram followers but why among these numbers I felt so alone? Seriously, the numbers are nothing but trash. They don't matter, aw sorry. I don't matter at all.  Too bad, this is what i'm feeling.  With regards to this, I've decided to just stay silent, to be on my own, to be there at one corner. I feel so vulnerable and weak. And then I'll cry. This was the only time in my life that I am so fragile and no matter how I push myself to be strong, I always find myself holding my own...

'Twas a roll and twist of days, and my 2017 was indeed tough and hard for me. That year made me so strong until God has allowed me to finally took my place, and I flourished. I graduated, became an engineer, had a wonderful job, and I was so happy and thankful.  I was indeed overwhelmed with joy. I really wished 2017 won't end because there was a part of me that is afraid of what's gonna happen in 2018. I guess, my nerves and cells are too sensitive for the coming days and I wasn't wrong.  Mama and I are finally together after years of being so distant from each other. I can finally bring her to beautiful places, bring her to those restaurants and try different dishes that she haven't tasted before, buy her many clothes and sandals and most of all we will be able to celebrate special days together. Aren't those things beautiful to think and desire about?  My heart is filled with hope for such things, even my mind is escalating in faith for better da...

We meet people at the crossroads of our lives. Some will just nod and smile, most will just pass you by but there is that someone who will stay to look at you and seems like days were rolling at your midst and you both shared the joy of friendship. Ang bilis lang ng panahon. I could still remember how everything was just so simple yet special for the two of us hanggang sa kelangan ng mag-iba ang lahat, because it wasn't about friendship anymore. We did stepped up to another level. We decided to love each other. Wow! What was that? I never thought it would be possible, but it was! We were so happy. Time was really for us, before. Seems like the winds waved with us and blew us the scheme of memories filled with serinity and happiness. Ang ganda naman kasi talaga noon. Not until, complications rushed our way! But still, we fought for it. Because we both love each other. We didn't want to throw everything without giving the situations a goddamn fight. But w...